International Coffee Day is September 29, and everyone knows that celebrating a holiday is spent best with friends and family. What better way to spend a day saluting coffee than having a cup of coffee with a friend or family and sharing some good conversation?
Unfortunately, not everyone loves coffee. Or even likes it. For as wonderful of a caffeinated beverage as it is, many people don’t take to the bitterness and acidity that coffee offers.
Worry not though, for you’re in luck: we’ve found some great fictional friends to share a cup and a conversation with this International Coffee Day. Below are just eight of the fictional people we’d love to have coffee with, along with what we’d talk to them about and what we’d order. Take a look for yourself and find out who would be your perfect coffee companion this International Coffee Day.
1. Too Much Coffee Man
Yeah, we’re surprised this superhero exists too. Too Much Coffee Man’s origin story is that he comes from coffee shops and apartments around the world. He has alliances with Too Much Expresso Guy, Too Much German White Chocolate Woman with Almonds, and of course Underwear Guy, among others. When Too Much Coffee Man fights he is strengthened with a “manic paranoid frenzy” and almost never sleeps.
So, yeah, we really have no explanation for why Too Much Coffee Man exists, but in a world where Batman’s nemeses include Condiment King and Calendar Man we ought to embrace the weirder side of comic book heroes. After all, haven’t we all been Too Much Coffee Man at one point or another? For example, after discovering cold brew and drinking it like it’s regular iced coffee. Not that this happened before or anything.
What we’d drink with them: Coffee. Extra large. Black.
What we’d talk about: The fact they literally exist.
2. The Worm Guys from Men in Black
Men in Black was one of those iconic 90s movies, but now you really only see on TV or at some kind of “movies in the park” event. Yet, every time it’s on, it’s magnetizing. Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith hunting down aliens? Sign us up!
If there’s one thing this movie proved though, it’s that even extraterrestrial life forms love the otherworldly delight of a good cup of joe.
Point in case: the worm guys. They hang out in the break room crushing coffee by the pot and making quips at anyone who walks in. They’re as quick with a witty remark as they are to freshen up their mugs, and rightfully so – the Men in Black HQ is open 37 hours a day. Yeah, we don’t know how the math works either, but that’s what they say. And to be honest, with hours like that, we’d probably be drinking coffee by the pot too.
What we’d drink with them: A drip brew with whatever coffee grind was closest to the brewer at that moment.
What we’d talk about: How MIB is open for 37 hours a day if the earth fully rotates on a 24 hour schedule. Also what space drink is most comparable to coffee.
3. Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks
Twin Peaks was an interesting show. Please note that when we say interesting we mean it took you on a wild ride that, years later, we’re still not sure we completely understand.
However, there are some things that you can pick up on without having to watch the show a few times through (and dive into message boards to dissect every scene). One of those things is Special Agent Dale Cooper’s love for “a damn fine cup of coffee.” Heck, he’s given us some of the best quotes about coffee we try to live by to this day, such as:
- “Never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish.” This is just good advice for anyone, regardless of whether or not you like fish.
- “I only have time for coffee.” Perfect for when you need to avoid a meeting or conversation in the office. And our personal favorite…
- “I’m going to let you in on a little secret: every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it; don’t wait for it; just let it happen. It could be a new shirt in a men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black, coffee.”
Special Agent Dale Cooper: you’re a tad eccentric, but your philosophical views on coffee could be a guide to life.
What we’d drink with them: Good, hot, black, coffee.
What we’d talk about: We would probably just sit there and listen to Agent Cooper talk about his love for coffee. Maybe occasionally ask what is actually going on in the show.
4. Everyone from the show Friends
This is the low-hanging fruit on the list, but we would be remiss if we didn’t mention Friends. I mean, their hangout spot is a coffee shop called Central Perk and acts as a meeting ground. Central Perk is possibly one of the most iconic fictional coffee shops in the history of media, and it only makes sense that its lore is heightened by the high and persistent popularity of Friends. In fact, it’s so legendary that two years ago a dedicated fan even figured out how many cups of coffee each one of the Friends consumed.
Digging through old stuff, just found my results from the time I went through all 236 episodes of Friends to see how much coffee they drank. pic.twitter.com/4Kg7QO0mA6
— Kit Lovelace (@kitlovelace) June 27, 2017
Friends was and still is a cultural icon, and in the era of online media binging it’s a crown jewel to any stream service’s catalog – and soon it will be HBO’s. No matter how old it gets though, it’s hard not to imagine how fun it might be hanging with the group at Central Perk.
What we’d drink with them: A double latte for $2.75
What we’d talk about: Honestly, the smelly cat song.
5. Francis York Morgan from Deadly Premonition
Imagine taking the weirdness of Twin Peaks and turning it into one of the most polarizing video games ever made. The weirdness and eeriness from Twin Peaks heads into Deadly Premonition, along with the main character’s love for coffee. In fact, coffee plays a critical role in the gameplay experience, though we don’t want to spoil it for you. If you’re interested you can actually check out the game yourself as it just got re-released for the Nintendo Switch, and a sequel is in the works!
What we’d drink with them: A coffee that gives us foreboding warnings about things to come.
What we’d talk about: The weirdness of that previous statement.
6. Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers
Tina Belcher has many obsessions, from boys (and their backsides) to horses. But hands down one of her best obsessions comes when Tina tries espresso and immediately becomes obsessed with coffee. She talks fast because there’s so much on her mind she needs to get out, sprints to keep up with her crush, and loses her mind when the espresso machine in the restaurant is pawned by her mother.
Tina’s love affair with coffee may have only lasted one episode, but it was one of the most memorable romances Tina has had throughout the entire show. Who knows though, as Bob’s Burgers heads into its 10th season (with a movie on the way) maybe “Tina x Coffee” will return to us.
What we’d drink with them: A thermos filled to the brim with espresso.
What we’d talk about: Hair bangs, Jimmy Jr., and the multiverses of Equestranauts.
7. Dave Grohl
Okay, so not technically a fictional character, but much like Keanu Reeves, the Foo Fighters frontman seems to transcend simple rockstar status and into something much bigger. Whether it’s a cameo appearance on Drunk History or hanging out at Piece Pizza in Wicker Park, Chicago, Dave Grohl is an all-around legendary dude.
One of his best random appearances may be in an old viral video, “Dave Grohl in FRESH POTS!” It’s hard to describe, you better just watch for yourself:
Dave Grohl: legendary music creator, legendary coffee drinker. Hey Dave, if you read this, personal request: my fiancee said our first dance could be to Everlong but only if you show up and play it acoustic in person. Consider this my “putting it out into the world” effort and come on by? We’ll have Piece Pizza for you if you do!
What we’d drink with them: Fresh pots. Duh.
What we’d talk about: Hanging out on the L train in Chicago. Favorite stops.
8 Detective Pikachu from Detective Pikachu
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for 20-some years, chances are you’ve heard of Pokemon. The most iconic Pokemon globally, without question, is Pikachu. From being the key Pokemon in the show to having thousands of pieces of merchandise with his face on it, Pikachu is synonymous with Nintendo and Pokemon. So it’s not a surprise the Pikachu got his own movie (voiced by Deadpool star Ryan Reynolds no less) called Detective Pikachu.
What’s this have to do with coffee? Well, the Pikachu in Detective Pikachu is unique in a few ways. He can speak English, solve crimes, and he is obsessed with coffee. Even in the game by the same name, his deep affinity for the caffeinated beverage is evident — and even knows quite a bit about it. In the movie, he notes that he can quit anytime he likes, but that doesn’t seem to stop him from consuming it as fast as he can.
What we’d drink with them: Any cup of coffee. We’re hanging with Pikachu after all!
What we’d talk about: Life as a detective. And a Pokemon. Also, what it’s like living in a Pokeball. Not him per se, but in general.
Want to get started on drinking some coffee, but don’t want to break the bank? Check out offers on coffee from Piggy as our way to celebrate International Coffee Day.