It’s that time of the year again: the Oscar nominations have been announced, and brackets all over the country are being filled out. Or, wait – do the Oscar diehards use brackets, or is it a Super Bowl Squares type situation?
We’re not entirely sure on that. What we are entirely sure of is this: since the nominations, fans and industry experts all over have begun to weigh in on the Oscars. Who will win, who won’t, and why is the movie that we liked a lot actually not worthy of winning? We don’t know – we don’t read those articles. Instead, we thought we’d take things in a different direction for our roundup on some of the Oscar nominations. We present to you, the Absolutely-Not-Serious-at-All Piggy Review of Oscar Nominees! (For movies we saw anyway. We didn’t see everything on the nominee list. C’mon, that’s a tall order. And that’s also life.)
Nominated for: Helping DC fans feel reassured that everything will eventually be okay (even though they got Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and Shazam!)
Joker did something critical in the world of cinema: it legitimized DC movies in the eyes of fans who like that universe but were horrified at what they got from Suicide Squad. Finally, after an eternity of waiting, fans of Batman could squeal with glee at a depiction of the Joker that was meant to be taken seriously, with dark tones and commentary on society. They could brag about recognizing Alfred Pennyworth from characterization alone. He was there at Wayne Manor, taking care of a young Bruce Wayne and telling the Joker to shoo!
I mean, DC fans also got Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and Shazam! which were all good movies, but Joker was something different. It made you think, man. It was the Tyler Durden of comic book movies! Society has flaws man! And then you get to the end of the movie and once again a young Bruce watches his parents slain, putting him on a course to become the Dark Knight, Gotham’s protector, and you think “…wait, he’s way too young to have that happen now. Something is off. This timeline is weird. I must go to the internet and discuss it!” Good movie though. Definitely needed to sit at the movie theater bar for a few drinks to calm our nerves after the fact.
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood
Nominated for: Best Actor, Best Picture, Best Screenplay, Best Supporting Actor…basically almost everything Joker was nominated for
Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood was not what we expected going in. We loved it, but what we expected more along the lines of say Inglourious Basterds where there are multiple storylines running to make a knot at the end. What we got was Jackie Brown 2.0. At least, according to people on the internet. We haven’t seen Jackie Brown yet.
But if Brown is the original Hollywood it must be pretty good. Hollywood’s strength is in it’s feeling like you’re hanging out with good friends, and then seeing what they’re doing during their everyday lives. This means you get classic Tarantino writing, great acting, and fun setting. Few screenwriters and directors can make the banal of driving around LA or changing an antenna feel rich, but Tarantino has mastered that since the tipping conversation from Reservoir Dogs.
Nominated for: Upsetting cinema elitists for not having a traditional release and instead going the Netflix route, and for being four (4) hours long
The Irishman is a movie that is four (4) hours long. Listen: this isn’t Seven Samurai. We have lives to live. Even if it is on Netflix so you can stop and go at your convenience, that’s an insane runtime for a movie. I mean even Peter Jackson broke up the Rings movies into three (albeit still really long) movies.
Whatever. The Irishman is a long movie. It’s a mob movie. It’s a classic mob movie because it’s got the mob classics from director (Martin Scorsese) and actors (Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro) to setting (mob setting) that you see all the time on AMC. The only difference is on AMC they edit movies for time and commercials, and Irishman is four (4) hours long. It’s also not a movie about Whitey Bulger. We thought it was going into it. We kept waiting for Whitey. He never showed up. Our bad.
Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker
Nominated for: Internet uproar, an insane amount of articles defending it, excusing it, arguing against it, defending its predecessor, arguing for its predecessor…the list goes on
Star Wars is a fascinating case study in what happens when something becomes so sprawling that everyone weighs in on it. And that weigh in is mostly people trying to convince other people why they’re wrong. What are they wrong about? What’s it matter. They’re wrong. Just look at these memes and YouTube videos that prove it!
Anyways, Rise of Skywalker is meant to conclude 40 years of the Skywalker saga. Like Back to the Future we went forwards, backwards, way backwards, and way forwards. Actually, did Future go that far forwards? We forget. Doesn’t matter. Skywalker is a Star Wars movie. It’s fun if you want it to be, it’s miserable if you don’t. We kind of liked it, but we also liked Last Jedi and apparently we were really wrong to feel that way, so take what we say with a grain of salt. We hope Skywalker wins because the memes can be pretty entertaining when you need to kill time on the commute home.
Nominated for: Putting Marvel fans on a quest to unseat Avatar as the highest grossing movie in theaters of all time (and apparently actually doing it)
Let’s get this out of the way right now: Endgame is a defining moment in cinema whether you like the movie or not. Love or hate the Marvel Universe, you have to be in awe at how they were able to take a B-level superhero like Iron Man and spin that off into so much content that we have lost track of where you can even watch it all. You also have to wonder how DC saw that formula laid down to perfection and somehow took a wrong turn at (almost) every step.
There has been so much said about the MCU over the years that there’s not much left to share. Even if Endgame loses its respective category, it’s won a bigger war: proving that comic book cinema, when done well, has a lasting power that will echo for years and years. Also, creating some weird feud between the internet and Martin Scorsese? We guess he made some comment about them and from that inspired every single actor, actress, director, screenwriter, producer, blah blah blah to be asked ‘what do you think of the MCU and Martin’s comments?’ like the opinion of one man matters that much. I mean, right? That’s insane. Ah, who even knows.
1917, Bombshell, Parasite, Ad Astera, Jojo Rabbit, Marriage Story
Didn’t see them. Didn’t catch a single one of them. Marriage Story is on Netflix and still haven’t seen it. It literally pops up every time we start the app, but nope, it’s right back to binge-watching the Good Place for the twentieth time before it ends in a few weeks.
Anyways, they seem like good movies. We’ll probably see them at some point. Haven’t seen em yet, that’s why we can’t comment on them, but we’ll see em eventually. Been a busy year and we’re kind of tired.